fourth of july

when i was married, my husband didn't want to go watch the fireworks on the beach of california. he said that the crowd would be to much, and he just rather watch from our window. i was sad, but said that we'll just stay at home together. an hour later he told me he was going to meet his friend and hang out with him since he was going thru a break up, and his friend didn't want to be alone. i got up to start getting ready, when he asked me where i was going. i was getting up to get ready to go out with them. but my mistake, it was just him informing me that he will be leaving without me. zac went into the shower, and i turned on the tv. his phone ringing (his friend calling), i let it ring. then saw his last text message saying something like "i can't wait". then, i started snooping as the name on that text was not the name of his friend he informed me that he would be spending time with. i continued to read that his friend was actually planning to pick up chicks at the beach and my husband replied with the same. my heart started to break. i was upset and continued to think what i did wrong for him not to spend time with me.

he walked out the door so happy, relieved, excited. as giddy as a school girl, i swear, i was doing my best to keep my tears inside. i followed him to the front door. i looked at him, and shook my head. i asked him why he didn't want to spend this time with me. his reply "i don't know".

going to see the fireworks, makes me happy. and i shouldn't have let him take that away from me. i let him take a lot of things. even my happieness (which everyone thinks i have an endless amount of).

i love me.