Thursday, December 30, 2010

God and Science

last night i had a great conversation on the phone with a special friend. we were opening gateways of communication. at some point i even recorded some parts of the conversation that way i may reference it in the future. when the last sweet thing was said, i went to bed.
My dream.
Dreams for me never begin, but mine usually do end or continue the next day. Scene - in the future, some sort of desert. But the desert was lived in. There was some sort of store and trash in some areas. I saw mobile homes and cars. It was sweaty hot.
a car stopped in front of me. I got in thinking it was the right car. I went on a journey of sin and confusion. Not finding my way correct way. I saw my dad and he was giving me advise, but I didn't want to listen. I got lost in the store and had to find my way out. When I finally did get out of the store, I still had a pulling feeling to go back in. I fought the feeling and stopped outside the store, in the desert, in the heat, and a car was passing by then stopped infront of me. There was a woman in the back seat. She told me that she would take me where I needed to go. I got in, and a long trip later we ended up infront of a broken down house. There was a blind woman. She was old with raggy clothes on. She was looking for something. Then she turned to me and asked if I believe in God. I told her "Yes, I think I do" but I really wasn't confident in my answer. I looked down towards the floor, and then to the door. I wanted to leave. She then tried to tell me "You believe in God and Science, but you should put all your faith in God". She then turned to the woman that was in the car with me, and told her "You don't belong here, you first took her the wrong way. That's not...". The blind woman looked back without finishing her sentince and told me that it is okay that I was on the wrong path, I can just start putting my faith in God from this moment on, and I will be forgiven. I then remembered my wrong path looked like the right one becuase I was with family and friends, but most of all, I thought I got in the right car. (since in this dream, the car was what took me on my journey).

there was more to my dream, but as the day continued, i have forgotten it. i will take this dream in concideration, and start putting my faith in God. i think it will be hard at first, but it's something I'm looking forward to.


single adventures at tom thumb

so, i was there standing outside the pizza in the freezer section of my local Tom Thumb. foot tapping, biting the side of my lip, starting to panic. what is going on with me, am i not to choose a pizza that i would like to enjoy myself!!?? before i always knew which one to pick... it was the one he liked. surpreme and thick crust. it was never my favorite. no, my favorite is extra thin crispy crust with pepporoni. plain, i know, but uber delish, especially with ranch dressing.
so,if i know this is what i like, why am i not reaching out to get it. is it that i want to try something new? or missing what i'm use to eating. after i picked out pizza, it's true, i put it back, and did another lap around the store before coming back and making a final decision on the exact pizza i wanted. success for one item of the 20 that i did buy. why was it so hard to get the other iteams? because there are no single serving milk cartons, no one day oreo pack, no bread packs for 5 sandwiches only. the grocery store is meant for an average family of two plus baby. costco and sams is meant for that plus two more kids and grandparents visiting. so, for this particular establishment these packages will last the average family a week; when for me, more like 3 months! not that i don't eat at home, but i can't get the courage to make single serving portions.
At the end of my trip my total came out to be $22.93 included bananas, cereal, pizza, lasagna, and chips. hum... i should have gotten some chocolate and ice cream, but i'll leave that for a day that i'm in need of an emergency pick me up.


Monday, December 20, 2010

having fun...

not yet, but i think i'm getting close. my friends have been inviting me to many outings to keep me occupied. but i somehow still end up in his bed. how do i keep my distance when i still have passion of that one? going to high-end clubs, bars, kerioke, maverik basket ball game, and christmas parties are all fun, but where's the love? and what does love have to do with anything? a newly single friend, Wendy, told me "the one thing i miss most about a relationship, is kissing. to have that one person kiss you, when you need it most. and it's fun. just to kiss when you get home, or when you leave, or becuase you miss them. the kiss is the biggest thing i miss" i totally agree Wendy.
on another note, i have been having fun getting ready for the holiday. i can't believe my christmas tree was up and ready, and then down and out. i don't think i'll be having a real christmas tree again... i take that back. i will try again next year. this weekend i'm going to be visiting my parents. i want to go "all out" this year for my gifts for the family, but i don't have the means. instead i will make things from scratch and they will love it. as for work, since i have to work this entire week, i will bake some muffins for friday breakfast. and i think they will enjoy. as for my gift to myself, this year i bought two things, a cutting board, and red soup bowls. they were much needed.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010