Sunday, June 3, 2012


I have been having the time of my life "dismantling" since Sept 2009... ummmmmmm... okay, I'll say it, since my divorce. *sigh* Even though it was a good thing for me to depart from my marriage (that I never mention due to embarrassement that my fairytale life has such an ugly scar), a part of me really loved being a wife. It was the need to serve that I think I enjoyed the most. And I now know who/what I need to serve in order to be a more truthful, honest woman.
It was time for relection. When I got back to Texas, first thing I did was call my best friends. A team of personal heros that have been in my life for the past 9 years (or longer). Each of them saving me with either their compassion, love, friendship, advice, even shelter or whatever it is that I needed. Having those people in my life is what made me who I am due to the adventures we went through. I had stopped communicating with them for years due to my exhusbands jealousy and insecurities. It was time for me to team up with them again and start self refecting. I am grateful that my lifesavors came back into my life. And even with their help there was a lot more breaking down that needed to occur.
Then one year ago I started thinking about the things I needed to do. Then wondered why am I not doing it? Why am I not with my Prince Charming, why am I not owning my own company and thriving to be the best me that I can be? So I decided to get my mind set and start getting closer to my goals. It started with Quiting my office job, and Going to yoga teacher training, then Moving to Austin, Opening my own yoga studio, add Traveling in there, and now I'm thinking about moving back to Dallas. It's been what I would like to call a rollercoaster of love, sweat and hard work. Self discovery is happening, and I'm in love with it.
A blog I've started reading is by Rich Roll, and this is a excerpt from his wife's entry. It paints a really good picture of what I feel has been happening the last couple of months. No need to worry about me, friend. I'm just practicing patience, and polishing up for the things that God has in store for me.

“Dismantled” is a state where everything you thought you were starts to fall away. All of a sudden nothing seems to stick. You are doing everything you always had done in the past, and nothing works anymore. All your appliances and electronics start breaking. If a cop is in your vicinity, he is pulling you over. There are car accidents and bike crashes and literally your ivory tower is falling all around you. This can be a process that takes years. In our case, it’s been three years of this level of intensity — so far. Not to say that it is always at a fever pitch — it does ebb and flow like the tide. I liken it to being in the surf. You get hit by a wave; and just when you’re standing up and brushing yourself off, you get hit again and then again and again. This is part of the cleansing, the polishing of the diamond in the rough so to speak. You are being made “REAL”. The gift is that if you make it through, you become FREE. But it is not for the weary as it is very painful and uncomfortable.
During this process, your friends and family think you are crazy, lazy or on drugs. They stay up at night fearful of what is happening to you. You are scaring them and threatening their reality and they want you to stop and go back to the way you were. The new age spiritual community thinks you are creating it, and conveniently label it as “bad” and believing that if you just say “ I think I can, I think I can, I think I can” a million times over, it will all just go away. This is not the case. TRUE, you did create it at a soul level. Your ego would have never agreed to it’s death. This is your sacred wake up process to the truth of your BEING. In TRUTH, nothing is WRONG. Everything is going EXACTLY AS PLANNED. It just hurts like hell. The Ivory Tower has to fall in order for you to be reborn. You cannot be transformed unless you walk through the fire. And you can’t read about it in a book. Or be told about it by some teacher. You must BECOME. You must burn in the fire to be born anew. This is the path of waking up.
- Julie Piatt from blog

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