Friday, March 11, 2011

trust and love

this weekend i'm going to a wedding. it's my friends Brandi and Tyree. they are so fun and cute together, so much trust and love in that relationship. when i first met brandi she would go with me dancing in the clubs, and so many men would hit on her, she would just say something to them like "i'm with my girls tonight" or just smile and keep moving. i thought it was strange that she didnt' want to talk to any of them. i asked her one time what was she waiting for? she said "the right one". i told her of my obsessions and she listened and comforted me. i would get very drunk and tell her all my worries of never finding that kind of love that i was thriving for. she would just listen. and i loved it.
we've grown apart since i got married. i think it's becuase i didn't invite any of my friends to my wedding. my ex-husband was jealous of the friendships i had. but i felt that marrying him was the right decision because he asked me, and i was ready. when i moved back to dallas, i tried to rekindle my friendships and it was hard. i never did get back in good terms with them. i felt more like that 5th wheel. and it didn't help that my next relationship wasn't very open to my friends either. he would say we could make plans, but would rather just hang out with me. and i think that was fine. i need to make sure my next relationship will be more open to my friends that have been with me for years. someone who can accept them for who they are, and not judge them for the mistakes that they have done, or continually do. no one is perfect (except me).

right now i'm not dating anyone, i'm still on this high about getting to know myself again. hot yoga class, running, cheerleading, lhs reunion committee... all these things occupy my time. and keep me busy. the best part is, i'm still standing still. i'm seeing where i am, and observing my reactions to my surroundings. i would like a pet. a doggie maybe. i loved creasy bear and think that my next purchase will be an angeldoll puppy. they aren't cheeap, so i think maybe a christmas present for myself. untill then, i'm pretty much booked up with my current schedule.


and just for fun - side note this movie will be funny

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