it's the end of an era.

I was watching sex and the city season 4 last night, and this is what Carrie said regarding Big moving to Napa and not wanting to be in NY anymore. What's coming? what's going? How will life be without you? I have always counted on you, and you would pop up unexpectatly. My go-to guy is no longer my go-to guy. Now I'll have to find another. But truthfully, I won't. Because there is only one you... luckly, you are only a plane ride away.

In regards to my latest relationship: one word -break up... and it's not going so well. Am I allowed to pretend I am talking to him, or will talk to him just to keep me moving thru the day? What about thinking "I'm going to make this for dinner, b/c I know that he would love it" even though it's just me eating... Alone? I have my makeup the way I know he likes it, just incase we accidently bump into eachother. Constantly checking my phone thinking that he MIGHT be thinking about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not searching for trouble, but my heart is stuck in a spot that use to feel so good, and now is empty. I try to fill this void by talking to my best friends. Thinking of ideas on what I can do to occupy my time. How I should live my single life in order to be more confident in myself, without having to seak out male companionship.
When will these thoughts go away. When will my mind be clear and concentrate on me and my decisions? Only time will tell... untill then let my savor be sappy love movies, besties, and chocolate (but not too much, I still have to lose 5 more pounds).

love,
me